Coming out of hiatus?

I’m not going to make any promises yet but I just might be coming out of my hibernation period. I know, the word hibernation implies a winter sleep. I, however, like to hibernate through summer. Why? Because it’s too damn hot to get anything productive accomplished. I am much more efficient on days like today (it’s raining). I plan on packing and organizing all my school books and articles and journals. I’ve been needing to do this for some time now and this weather is just the motivation I need!

Packing? That’s right, I said packing. I am moving to Denver, Colorado on Oct. 1. The second Lubbock chapter in my life has ended and I need to (and want to) move on. Don’t get me wrong, I love Lubbock and I will defend it (just ask my DC friends) but it’s time I ventured out again. I guess I just feel that I have accomplished what I came to do. I originally came back to go to graduate school but there was a larger purpose for me being here. I was able to spend precious time with my mom before she died. I will always be grateful for those years. But now I’ve finished my degree, I spent time healing among friends and now it’s time to live life abundantly. There could be a third Lubbock chapter in the future but for now, I’m Colorado bound!

graduation and beyond

That’s right. I am actually going to graduate with my Master’s degree on May 8th at 4pm. There were many days in the past year and a half when I wasn’t sure I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Let’s just say it has been a long road, in more ways than one. I think I could make an argument that I have a minor in research proposals. Seriously. So that is the good news — defend thesis on March 13th, graduate on May 8th. Wahoo! I’m going to do a little dance . . . or like Melissa on The Bachelor (I know, I know) – I’m going to turn around, scream, and jump up and down.

The unfortunate thing about graduating is figuring out what is next. I know that God will open and close doors as He sees fit and that ultimately, as long as God is front and center of my life, I will not be out of His will. So what is next for me? I’m not sure. As anyone who hasn’t been living in cave knows, the economy isn’t so great right now. Therefore, employers aren’t exactly knocking down my door — or even looking at the resume I keep sending. There are a few leads but seriously, rough job market out there. So that leaves more education — which leaves me a little confused. God has certainly opened up some doors in that arena. Just when I thought I had made some decisions, God laughed (in a good way), and opened some doors I thought were closed. This, right after I felt another door closing. I’m not exactly opposed to a PhD, not at all. I just want to have a clear picture of what I want to do with the PhD. That way, I don’t put a ton of time and energy into a PhD that may or may not lead me to where I want to go. These are my random thoughts about the future.

In the meantime — graduation, here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I should also say — thank you to all of you who helped me persevere though the last year and a half. I didn’t get this degree on my own, there are quite a few of you out there who deserve a portion of this. For that, I thank you!

Keep the old

There is an old song that my mom used to sing to me:
Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.

The part about keeping the old kept running through my mind today. Today I saw some friends from junior high and high school, some of whom I probably haven’t seen in 10 years. Yet, it was as though we had hung out yesterday. One of them is getting married so we were together for a wedding shower. I have to admit that I was a little nervous at first just thinking of all the questions, “Are you dating anyone”, “what are you doing” , , , and on and on. My fears were driven away when I ran into one of them during lunch, before the shower. I immediately got excited.

For the record, not one person asked me if I was dating anyone — I KNEW I liked these people. And talking about what I was going to do when I graduated — well, it was like talking to an old friend. Maybe that’s because I was talking to an old friend. The poor bride — we all talked right through her opening her gifts!

Some have married, some are getting married, we live in cities across the state, there are kids, some have lost loved ones, careers have changed, we aren’t as good at tennis as we once were, but the core of who we are hasn’t changed. And the time we spent together growing up has created a bond that may bend but doesn’t break. As with most high school kids we had drama but that was buried.

I am grateful for all my friends but today I was especially grateful for this group of ladies that I can still call friends. I hope it doesn’t take another 9 years for us to get together again.

It’s about time

I am officially horrible at keeping up with this blog. For the five people that read it, I am sorry! I will try to be better, promise.

A lot has happened and at the same time, not a lot has happened. I went to visit my niece’s this month and it was great. They are so much fun! The oldest had her fourth birthday at this place called, Jump It Up! It was nuts – the kids just ran around for a few hours and then CRASHED! Perfect.

I guess the other major news is that I am FINALLY on track to defend my thesis this semester and GRADUATE in May. For a while now, I have been contemplating walking or not. When I graduated with my undergraduate degree, I was determined to walk. My mom REALLY didn’t want me to – she didn’t want to have to sit through that entire ceremony. But I insisted. In the end she said she was really glad she did it. I was glad too. This time around I just don’t know. My mom is one of the reasons I went back to graduate school. I just think it would be emotional, especially since someone so close to my mom would be giving me my diploma. To increase that, one of my mom’s friends was just named as a regent, meaning TWO people who were close to my mom will stand in that line, shake my hand, and give me my diploma. I will cry. Tears will fall. But I think I’m going to do it.

The second big thing going on in my life is that I’m getting my tonsils out tomorrow. Yes, you heard right. No, I’m not 7 but 27. I have been trying to ignore the fact that my tonsils need to come out. So I get a few weeks off a year for tonsillitis, does that really mean they have to come out? Apparently, they do. My doctor is pretty conservative about taking tonsils out so when he says do it, you say when. When, is tomorrow. It has been interesting. Today I went to get the prescriptions that I will need post-op. I got enormous amounts of liquid pain killer which makes me a little nervous. If they are prescribing that much it must be pretty painful. Also, they gave me that pink antibiotic that you get when you’re a little kid??  Took me back into the day!

So I am not looking forward to being put under and then getting my tonsils scraped out but they say my overall health and well-being will improve. I am also reminded (not that I needed it) of the amazing friends and family I have. People who are willing to spend the night with me, take me in for a few days, drive to the hospital, pray for me — all of it. Amazing. I do not like that I’m going to feel so out of control of my life for a few days while on pain medication and I really don’t like having to ask so much of my friends and family but I’m so incredibly grateful that I have them. I really don’t think that I am good enough with words to express how grateful I am. Thank you. I love you and I thank God for you.

Is it about me? No, it’s not.

I am constantly amazed by how God works and the fact that every once in a while He allows me a glimpse into the seemingly (to us) random ways He uses my life for His glory and His plan. 

October 30 was the year anniversary of my mom’s death. I had the day planned out for weeks in advance in emotional preperation. I was going to have breakfast with friends who had lost (both figuratively and literally) a parent, lunch with other good friends, leave work early to go with grandma to the cemetary and a quick dinner before flying to California. Whew. Busy, just as I planned. As is often the case, my plans did not go as I anticipated. 

Everything was right on schedule when I got to the airport. It had been a hard day but I was expecting it and dealing with it in the best way I knew how. So I check in, drop off my bags, and go to the security line. Why on this day, of all days, I got flagged to be patted down I have no idea. But I was and I was not happy about it. Personal space people! So I put forth an attitude of annoyance (I have that perfected) with the security guard and he does not like it one bit. He tells me to get another attitude and before I know it, I’m telling him that this is the year anniversary of my mother’s death and I’m just going to be in a bad mood. He tells me not to take it out on him (rudely) and I burst into tears. About this time the lady who has to pat me down is incredibly concerned about my tears. Having not heard the preceding conversation, she is very nice and finishes quickly. I go straight to the first empty corner I can find to gather myself together. 

I have been blessed with an insane number of amazing friends that I could call on at any moment of crisis so why I choose the friend I did was a total God thing. She is a friend I met in DC and we have both been though some grieving this past year. Although, I haven’t seen her in a few years and we don’t talk on a regular basis, grief has become a bond that has only brought us closer. So I called her, sitting in that corner of the Lubbock INTERNATIONAL Airport, to lean on. We talked about my day and then I stopped crying and we moved on to other subjects. Little did I know that God would use one measley little sentance of that conversation to alter the course of her life, for now. Don’t misunderstand me, she wasn’t being distructive, she’s a good girl. We were talking about jobs and what we wanted to ultimately do with our lives and something I said struck a cord.

So in the midst of my pain, God used my words to convey a message to another one of His children. Here I was, consummed with my own sadness, and God is changing lives. Wow. It truly isn’t about me, even when I make it about me. Thank you for that.   

3s About Me

I’ve recently noticed how annoying it is when I’m bored at work and no one has updated their blogs!!  Then I realized that “Hi, I was the pot”. But I haven’t uploaded the painting pictures yet and there is just so much else to talk about that I didn’t know where to start or what to blog about. So I decided to go to my friend Robin’s page and find the first quiz and copy and past it with my answers.  However, I didn’t really like the first few I saw so I just kept going until I found one I liked.  Here it is . . . oh and Kristin, Kim, and Megan — tag, you’re it.

3s About Me that people may not know!

Three jobs I have had in my life:

1. Waitress at Whistlin’ Dixie (gotta love West Texas BBQ joints)
2. Campaign stuff . . . don’t remember the actual title but LOVED it, favorite job
3. Research assistant at TTU

Three movies I would watch over and over:

1. Sweet Home Alabama
2. Hope Floats (I’m seeing a pattern)
3. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

Three places I have lived:

1. Austin
2. DC
3. Alexandria

Three shows that I watch:

1. Private Practice
2. Gilmore Girls (yes, I am aware that it has been cancelled)
3. How I Met Your Mother

Places I have Been to:

1. Ukraine
2. Mexico
3. Austria

Three people who e-mail (or text) me regularly:

1. Teresa
2. Jennifer
3. Pam

Three places I’d rather be right now:

1. in bed
2. on vacation
3. can’t say . . .

Three friends I think will respond:

1. no clue
2. no clue
3. no clue

Three things I am looking forward to this year:

1. Beth being here for Christmas
2. New Year’s in Dallas
3. New Year, new start

a day in the life

So my friend Mica once told me that things happen to me because I make them into funny stories. She shared this bit of insight into my personality as were walking in high heels (she is always in high heels, I am not) down to the river where my car had been towed. We had been in Georgetown, eating at Cafe Bonaparte (delicious), having a wonderful evening — when we walked outside to find road construction being conducted where we had previously parked my car. The kind construction men had towed my car for me. Very sweet.

I think my lunch hour today is a great example of this playing out in my life. First, it is snowing in Lubbock today. First snowfall of winter and it is WINDY! That is the thing about West Texas winters, it is unusually windy, making the cold even colder. Those who have not experienced this phenom will think that is a weird statement. I assure you, it is not. So I’m leaving United and putting my groceries in the trunk of my car while carefully balancing (those of you who know me well are already inwardly cringing) my purse, coffee, and groceries. My bags were in the trunk but I was changing out the book in my purse (yes, I’ve come to terms with my inner nerd) and out of no where (or the east) a gust of wind slammed my trunk down . . . straight into my finger and my coffee. Coffee lid pops off, coffee spills in my trunk and on my pretty suede purse and I audibly sigh (might have also uttered a word under my breath that would not have make mom proud). Luckily, not that much of my spilled so I wasn’t at a total loss. At least my caffeine addiction would be fed. I simply started my car, retireved some napkins (I keep an abundance in my car for occasions such as this) and cleaned up the mess as best I could.  Gotta love that wind . . . or not !

As soon as I can get my pictures uploaded I will have an update on my painting and let me assure you — this story is boring in comparison. Just wait . . . oh just wait . . .

Brown, Blue, and . . . Chalkboard??

What do all these things have in common? They are soon going to be on the walls in my laundry room. It seems that I have recently uncovered this creative, home decor side of me that I didn’t know existed!  Creative, sure, but in writing and ideas — not artsy things. 

Envisioning the way I wanted things has never been the issue, making those ideas come to fruition in the way I pictured them is more the issue. I wonder if it’s not that I can’t make it happen but that I’ve simply never tried. My mom always said that she worked so she could hire people to do those kinds of things for her. I wonder if she didn’t underestimate herself a little bit. So I’m going to try it. I may fail and that is okay. I’m going to paint the upstairs of my little townhouse, starting with the laundry room. I’m starting there because if I mess it up it’s not a room people spend a lot of time in, I hope. So here’s the plan . . .

I want the upstairs to be brown and blue. My bedroom brown and the bathroom and office to be blue. So I’ve decided to use both colors in the laundry room (which is off the bathroom). I’m going to do large squares of color and just to be fun, I’m throwing in some chalkboard squares. I have no idea what I’m going to write on them but who cares??  It’s my artistic licence.  If that works out, I’ll move on the the small part of the bathroom.  You get the idea.

I’m going to take before and after pictures and let y’all decide if I should keep going or heed my mother’s advice and work so that I can pay someone else to do paint for me!

My Thanksgiving Lesson

God provides. I know this and I’ve never doubted this and I’m constantly reminded of this. This Thanksgiving I have been reminded of the mysterious ways that God works in our lives. How He puts people in our lives at exactly the right moment. Tonight (11/28) was a perfect example of that. He provided exactly what I needed, insignificant though it may have seemed to them, it was perfect. Thank you.

I am so blessed to have the family that I do. I don’t mean just the family that I share part of a gene pool with – I mean my friends that are a part of my family as well. People that over the months and years have come to mean so much to me. People who live this everyday life with me. People who are there (and were there) during some of the darkest moments of my 27 years. They are there to share the brightest moments too.

As I think back over the last year I marvel at the images that flash through my head. The last year has not been an easy year – learning how to live life without the person who gave me life has been kind of crappy (for lack of a better word) – and yet as I look back I see images of love, fun, and joy mixed in with the sad.

I see baking on a rainy day and drinking coffee. I see tennis matches from Dallas to California. I see books and the beaches of Mexico. I see missionaries and Ukrainians who have recently met their Savior and witnessed the pure joy they have found in His grace. I see Livi and Julia laughing. I see dinner with my grandma. I see girls weekend with the cousins in OK. I see dinners with friends in my new home. I see drives through the hills of Virginia. I see immediate bonds forming over www.thepioneerwoman.com. I see my mom’s friends calling me for dinner and coffee. I see people celebrating my birthday. I see relationships forming that didn’t exist this time last year. I see laughter and my introduction to reuben sandwiches. I see putting up decorations with friends and feeling so comfortable and at home.

All this in one year and I have not listed so many things. And yes, I wish I could share these with my mom but I am grateful for the family I have been given. God is good. Thank you all for giving me so much to be grateful for – I am truly blessed.

Thanksgiving

So apparently there are at least two of you out there who check my blog and since I love my loyal following (however small it may be), I will update.  Honestly, it’s a good time to update because Thanksgiving is just around the corner.

Now I know most of you classify Christmas as your favorite holiday.  I have always been a fan of Thanksgiving.  In fact, years ago my brother and I decided that Thanksgiving would be the holiday we spent together (once spouses and their families became an issue).  I don’t think my mother was such a big fan of this idea but I don’t know that we gave her much of a choice in the matter. 

Why Thanksgiving? 

1) The food is amazing and I enjoy cooking it.  Being in the kitchen the week of Thanksgiving makes me think of my Grandmother Johnston and how she used to cook and cook and cook for that one meal.  I remember my mom’s rolls (courtesy of Susie) and my Grandma’s pumpkin pie.  I like to think they are in that kitchen with me as I cook.  Silly and cheesy I know, but there you have it.

2) There are no presents and therefore less stress and better budgeting!  Christmas presents always make me nervous.  I want to get something that says “I thought this through, this gift is for YOU”.  I hate gifts that have no thought and no personal touch to it.  My brother is so hard to shop for.  I always feel bad for his wife around his birthday and Christmas because we all start calling her to ask for suggestions.  If we’ve known him all of his or all of our lives and we can’t figure it out by now, why should she have to come up with multiple suggestions for multiple people??  I digress.  Point is — I stress over picking out the right gift for the right person. 

3) Football.  Both on TV and in the yard.  Now, I don’t have a yard but I live right next to a park and I have a feeling someone will have a football game going on.  The Friday after Thanksgiving is usually the friends and family football and leftovers day.  LOVE IT!!!  Leaves falling, chill in the air, and football — so fulfilling.

4) Family is all there.  When I was younger, we always got to see both sides of the family.  So many cousins and so much fun.  Spades or dominoes anyone??  No, just me?  I promise I won’t get too competitive.  Really.  Now, I get to see Livi and Julia.  Now that’s a good day no matter what holiday.  Thanksgiving, please hurry.

5) No big decorating.  I bought a pumpkin and a cute little scarecrow for my fireplace and done.  It’s festive and cute but it’s not over the top and no one expects it to be.  All I really have to worry about is cleaning and laundry. 

So you see — Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  This year I’m attempting my mom’s stuffing (delicious) and rolls for the first time.  I’m a little nervous but a little excited too.  I am so thankful that I will be able to host Thanksgiving at my house this year.  I love my family and I love that I get to cook a big meal for them and then enjoy it with everyone.